I spent a week at arts school... then left.
"Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time."
I know, I know. I haven’t posted in over a week. I’m sorry! Life got in the way and by life, I mean a Quidditch Tournament and then a week of recovering from that very exhausting journey. Uuuugh. I’ll try to post some pictures later of the cup, though I didn’t take many.
Not to mention, NaNoWriMo is absolutely kicking my butt right now and writing much of anything else is a bit of a mental work out for me right now. The thing about writing a novel in 30 days, is that you don’t have much time to think about what you’re writing. Usually when I write fiction, not only is it short, but I usually write poetic prose. I am desperately trying to put that into my novel, but it’s difficult to do so when you also have a plot to get to and it’s such an exhausting task that I feel too drained to pack much of a poetic punch into what is a mighty task. The point of NaNoWriMo is to give yourself permission to suck and I am trying my best to do that. My writing is not very good in this piece. From time to time, I’ll write something I’m really proud of, but the majority of the time, it’s just getting the words down for the sake of my word count and not falling behind and less about trying to write a beautiful piece of work. It’s hard. I’m hating it a lot of the time, except when I get to my word count goal of the day and there’s this rush of “YES! FUCKING YES! I FUCKING DID IT!” and then I promptly pass out because it’s usually midnight or later.
I’m currently at 16,016 words and my writing is feeling very repetitive. My brain is so tired from the sheer amount of work it takes to sit down and write 1,667 words a day, that I can’t come up with synonyms for the words I keep writing over and over again. Dialogue and the description inbetween it is what’s especially getting to me. I feel like I am desperately trying to get the plot moving a long, while my characters are just starting to stand on their own two feet and are inconsistent. Or rather, I can’t decide whether they’re inconsistent or just multifaceted. I try to convince myself they’re multifaceted, but it’s quite possible I am flat out lying to myself to keep on writing. Every time I write something particularly dreadful and want to erase it, I tell myself “You can clean it up in editing. It’s a first draft. It’s supposed to suck,” but then I start thinking about having to edit this monster and I groan and it is very hard to keep myself motivated.
Perhaps if I had more productive things to occupy my time with, this wouldn’t feel like such a chore. I’ve applied to work at Starbucks, so hopefully I will get that job and have more to do with my time away from school. Until then, I’m stuck in my house, altering between unpacking, writing and watching copious amounts of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to maintain my sanity.
I should probably get back to writing. I’m at Lighthouse right now at a NaNoWriMo write in and I don’t think I’ll be regarded all that well if people see tumblr on my screen even though I’m writing a somewhat productive blog post.
For those of you also doing NaNoWriMo, write on, my comrades and pray for the victory to come!
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day."
like to pretend
in the midst
of a hurricane.
their waves crash
one after another
on the shore
with no signs
they don’t even
give me a reason
as to why
I love this. I, unfortunately, can relate a lot right now.
"Write. Write until it stops hurting."